Times are Uncertain. But Certainly We, As College Students, Can Communicate Better.

By Ella Boyd

A comedic piece about a serious problem. Hopefully this will make you laugh or reflect on your own actions. Either way, please enjoy my narration of a problem perhaps even more prevalent than Covid-19.

Ah, college. Four years of meeting new people, trying new things, going new places, and learning new subjects. This year especially brought with it some unexpected surprises. I am referring to Covid-19 and the immediate evacuation of campus. One would assume this would have serious implications, and they would be right. Our day to day lives were severely impacted by this shift in location and (for some) shift in class times.

Although the people we interacted with changed drastically, unfortunately, some things never change. Because of social media, college students around the world can easily keep up with each other: on Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, you name it. This means that the primary channels of communication in college are still open. And that means the classic college behaviors are still occurring on these platforms.

With all the isolation, boredom, and loneliness present in our current lives, one would think people would be more compassionate than ever before. More mindful of each other’s feelings, maybe. Not the case.

Before I tell my story, let me introduce a common social media phenomenon, known as “ghosting”. The Oxford dictionary definition of ghosting can be defined as “the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.” However, as numerous articles, blog posts, and podcasts will inform you, there are different forms and levels of ghosting. There is “orbiting”, which is when the ghoster sticks around on the ghostee’s social media profiles, viewing and maybe even engaging with their online content. There is also the slow fade, which is ghosting on a small scale: the ghoster communicates less and less until they hope the ghostee doesn’t even notice their disappearance.

In my experience, the difference between ghosting and being dumped is a pretty big one. Ghosting is essentially a breakup with no strings attached. You could end up talking again a few weeks, a few months, maybe even a year! And you can’t be mad when they pop back in without explanation, because they never officially left! So, to put it simply, ghosting is when the lack of effort in a casual relationship becomes so severe that the communication completely ends for a period of time, which ultimately sends the message that there is no real connection there at all. The whole experience leaves people feeling really good inside. (Please note my sarcasm.)

I have been ghosted a few times. I’m not ashamed. I’ve also ghosted people a few times, and for that I am a bit more ashamed, however, I firmly believe ghosting can sometimes be an acceptable action that shows lack of interest and can end things between two people calmly. During a pandemic, though, I am not a fan.

Normally, ghosting goes something like this: two people meet, they talk, and one of them loses interest and decides to leave without explaining why. The person who was ghosted may be confused and upset. They may wonder why the ghoster still looks at their Instagram and Snapchat stories. But the person who was ghosted can just go offline for a bit. Reconnect with their hobbies. Hook up with new people. Keep chugging along in their real, physical life. Right now, though, our virtual lives are our real lives. Which makes being ghosted pretty difficult.

Last night, as I sat in my dimly lit ski condo, staring up at the vacant, still chairlifts, the dark mountain looming ominous with not a single cat to be found grooming a trail, I checked Snapchat for the fortieth time that day, crying into my barely-thawed vegan lasagna. My best, most snapped friend on Snapchat had left me on read for 24 hours, killing our 65 day streak and telling me, with radio silence and no explanation why, that we were done. Normally, I would suck it up, eat the damn lasagna, go to bed, and wake up the next morning to put on my ski boots, put some handwarmers in my gloves, and ski with my friends the whole day, not checking Snapchat even once. Some of the people I would have skied with would have been cute, and I would have forgotten my minor problem. But right now, I had nothing to look forward to the next day except more hours mining social media for who knows what, and mourning the loss of spring skiing because of Covid shut-downs.

So, who knows how my already negative mental state will deal with this loss. Will I binge eat ten bowls of cereal and pretend I don’t care cause the gyms are closed anyway? Will I neglect my basically non-existent homework to binge-watch Tiger King and wish I’d fed my ghoster to my own tigers? Will I Facetime a friend? The only thing that is certain is that, for the foreseeable future, I will be spending a lot of time online.

Now I am forced to make the choice: block the ghoster so they can’t have any access to me and my life, thus affirming we are done, or do nothing and allow myself to be tormented by their viewing my life from arm’s length, with the small hope we may one day reconnect if school ever becomes physical again.

All of this leaves me with a few major takeaways. One, social media and virtual connections are absolutely not an adequate substitute for real connections and in-person, human interactions. For this reason, perhaps ghosting shouldn’t hurt so much. If someone’s biggest affect on your life is virtual, were they really ever there at all?

Secondly, ghosting is, at least for the foreseeable future, not ethical. We are all trapped (mostly) inside, or even for those lucky enough to be able to venture outside, we are devoid of most of our usual, in-person interactions. It is easy to concentrate on our online lives, because social media really is our social environment at the moment. So, don’t be rude. Take three seconds to say goodbye to the Instagram baddies you’ve been texting with for the last few weeks. Or take one phone call to end things with your college boo you may not see for months. Trust me, a little time spent now will result in a lot less time spent overanalyzing or overthinking down the road.